Saturday, April 17, 2010

Dirty Laundry (Not poetry related)

I was recently reproached by a family member about my church-going. This person's assessment of me was that my life isn't or was never perfect, that I don't live the life of the standard picture perfect Christian. I reckon this family member's assessment of me is that I'm a dabburn hypocrite for living my life the way I do and then going to church on Sunday. Okay, to this person whom I love very, very much: Nope, I ain't perfect. I'm flawed. I've made mistakes and I've made my mistakes with you and I will continue to make mistakes as long as I roam this little blue planet. But I like going to church. I like the way I feel when I'm sitting there listening to a good sermon from the Good Book. I like singing the hymns. It makes me feel good about all the wrong or bad things I did during the week, primarily because I know that we all do wrong or bad things and the Christian faith is about love and forgiveness. I look at some of the people Christ chose for disciples, the conversion of Saul to Paul, and I figure that there's still hope for me. The way I see it is that church is for fine upstanding Christians and it's for sinners too, and I know that I'm more apt to fall into the category of the latter than the former.

So, say or think what you will about me. You can judge me, convict me, sentence me. I can only and will only think of good times with you. Focusing on the good times and forgetting the bad is a form of forgetfulness that I've been afflicted with since I passed the half-century mark. Life is too short to wallow in the bad.

Now, that being said, I know that this person is going through some tough times, has their own problems and was lashing out, trying to peg someone to blame. If you need someone to blame, I'm your man. Blame me. Everything that's been done to you and your current life situation is my fault. Get it out of your system and maybe we can move on, sit down, have a laugh or two and enjoy each others' company again before our time on this little blue planet expires.


Roberta Beary said...

Our judgments judge us, and nothing reveals us, exposes our weaknesses, more ingeniously than the attitude of pronouncing upon our fellows.
— Paul Valery

Anonymous said...

My garden is overgrown in weed, my children are not obedient, I have some health problems, I am unable to compose decent poems to win contents, I am short of money, I have no time and energy to change the world to my liking... will you take the blame please? Just for the beginning...

Gillena Cox said...

i love going to church; i sing with my church choir, but i'll tell you the truth; some days i just dont fell like going; when i ignore my feelings and go anyway i'm happy that i did

much love

Terri L. French said...

What is there to say after that but, "Amen, Brother!"

MLHarvey said...

You've pegged it Curtis. We all dump our shadows on others, trying to get rid of our own pain (or at least share it.) The key is, to catch yourself doing it, and then you can stop spreading it around. Pain, sorrow & disappointment comes to all. Perfection is what we already are. (Our mind (thought) just gets in the way. Forgive your friend (& yourself), for letting it get the best of them.

Carmen Sterba said...

Well, the way I see it is there's no perfection in human beings at all, yet we can be accepted as whole and perfect by our Savior since loves us and died for us.

As far as relatives, aren't the difficult ones a way to keep us on our toes? When I returned to the U.S. six years ago, I had to listen to relatives saying I was not a real American because of my politics and because I had lived abroad for so long. I had more problems with those who were angry because they thought I wasn't their kind of Christian because of my politics. I was angry at them too, but kept it inside until I realized my repressed anger was hurting me as much or more than their words. It's better now. Next there will be another mountain to climb . . .


Carmen Sterba

snowbird said...

Hi, Curtis, All that's ever left in this old world is love...all we have of each other is is the only way we can relate to those who hurt's all there is to save us. The love we share holds this old world together...and you can't love someone and judge them at the same time. Thanks Curtis for posting this. Too often Christians are portrayed as being so judgmental. It sure humbles me every day.

Curtis Dunlap said...

Thank you all for responding. Just something I had to get out of my system. Odds are, the person to whom I'm responding will never read my words.

Anonymous said...

But why so many words and thoughts anyway? Is that person a god or a priest? I'd tell her/him to mind her/his own business and get deeper into her/his soul. The very act of preaching tells us about her/his bad mental structure, but don't believe that person is bad. It is that she/he is also imperfect as we all are. So forget and go to the church. It's Sunday. Be calm and relaxed.
Best wishes,

Unknown said...

if I were perfect, I wouldn't be a poet.

Dude, one of my sister's is a minister and she probably has more
issues that most folks.

Our old brother abused us all.

I will stop here.

Unknown said...

If this person is a Christian, has he or she forgotten that the Good Book tells us to judge not, lest we be judged?


Issa's Untidy Hut said...

I regularly pass a church here in Pittsburgh that has a sign out front that says:

"All Sinners Welcome"

Whenever I see it I think, ah, home at last.

You are a good soul, my friend.


hking said...

A couple of haiku from my favorite haiku poet, Santoka Taneda:

My monk's robe
Looks even more tattered,
Covered with grass seed.

I told a lie;
A lonely moon appears.

Jessie Carty said...

i think most of us can commiserate on this type of behavior by family and friends but glad you had another place to vent :)